The “Yes” campaign, imaginatively titled “Yes Scotland” launched weeks ago with movie star supporters and showbiz razzamatazz. Meanwhile, the “No” campaign, or “Better Together” launched last week with, er, Alastair Darling, Johann Lamont and Ruth Davidson. Depressingly, by virtue of having once worked in the newsroom at BBC Scotland, Ruth Davidson is actually the nearest thing the “No” campaign has to showbiz.
However, I can think of no more appropriate figurehead for the cause than ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling. I don’t know about anybody else, but my immediate response any time he appears on my TV is to shout “No ! No! NO! For pity’s sake, No!”.
I suspect many members of the public are beginning to suffer from launch fatigue. While “Yes Scotland” and “Better Together” may have the highest profiles, a myriad of other groups are out there punting out their own visions of the future of Scotland.
These include the “Scottish Independence Forum”, “Devo Plus”, “Independence, Mibbee Aye, Mibbee No”, and a group calling itself “Forward for Scotland but still getting Eastenders on the telly”.
While many of us are already committed to how they will vote in the referendum, a sizeable proportion have yet to make up their minds. Some polls have started to show fewer than 50% in support for independence; with the Future of Scotland poll showing 56% in favour of a “more powers” question.
Herein, I suspect, lies the problem all politicians are going to have to tackle between now and 2014. Namely, that Scotland’s future is far too complex issue to be dealt with on a simple Yes, No basis.
I reckon the following set of questions would serve as more appropriate referendum for the people of Scotland.
Please place the following options for Scotland’s future in order of preference:
A: Full independence from the UK
B: Independent from the UK while retaining membership of the European Union
C: Independent but with Lorraine Kelly, Kirsty Wark and Michelle McManus remaining within the UK
D: Remaining within the UK but with Gordon Ramsay being deported to a country that still has the death penalty
E: Remaining within the UK with increased powers for the Scottish Parliament
F: Scrapping the Scottish Parliament
G: Scrapping the Scottish Parliament, the Edinburgh Trams and new Forth Road Bridge
H: Remaining within the UK but with no Scottish players in Team GB for football at the 2012 Olympics
I: Independent from the UK, but with the area around Buckfast Abbey in Devon declared as sovereign Scottish territory
J: Don’t know
K: Havnae got a clue pal
Share your answers below!
Vladimir McTavish is performing with Keir McAllister in “Vladimir McTavish & Keir McAllioster Look At The State of Scotland” at The Stand Comedy Club during this year’s Edinburgh Fringe, from 3rd to 26th August (except Mon 13th & Mon 20rd) at 7 pm. Further information can be found at www.thestand.co.uk/fringe/show/49/Vladimir-McTavish–Keir-McAllister-Look-at-the-State-of-Scotland.
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